Going Like Sixty |
- For Sale: Lovely Collection of 33 Christmas Stockings
- Bill Gates is a Prick. It’s Back to the Mac.
- Tyler Bradt Falls Off Cliff In Kayak and Survives: Claims It’s A Record
| For Sale: Lovely Collection of 33 Christmas Stockings Posted: 04 Dec 2010 01:27 PM PST When I take off my socks, I stand on the toe of one sock and pull my foot out until just the toes are in the sock. Repeat. If I am feeling particularly skilled, I will attempt the “flip-it-in-the-air-and-catch-it” maneuver. Same with my underwear. When I start wearing a bra, I will shoot it like a slingshot at the clothes hamper. For Sale: Lovely Collection of Christmas Stockings… Thirty lovely stockings; Large and stretchy to hold lots of candy, useless gifts, gift cards, and lumps of coal. Sixty dollars, free shipping. Inquire within.
I’m glad I don’t have to match my underwear with anything. Boring Saturday much? Hell no! I ended up with 43 pairs of matched up socks. At one pair every week that’s almost a year of not having to do this again.
BTW: there are at least 66 white socks lurking in a drawer all by themselves. These are my favorite socks. |
| Bill Gates is a Prick. It’s Back to the Mac. Posted: 03 Dec 2010 07:57 AM PST Bill Gates is a prick. I have used a PC almost exclusively the past three years. I have five PCs:
Most of the cool stuff happening on the web just wasn’t happening with the Mac and Safari. So I gave up and joined the great unwashed and started using Windows. Dropping Internet Explorer was the only change I was capable of to get away from Microsoft. Windows is just fundamentally flawed and purposefully impossible to tweak to get top performance. And now… The one PC I used most often has finally ground me down to dust with its slowness. I have done every maintenance known to humankind. All. of. them. Except a complete reinstall. I refuse to do a total wipe of Bill Gate’s Asshole computer. I maxed out the memory, I upgraded my internet connection. I bought a new wireless router. I even paid for some “speed-em-up” programs: RegistryCleaner and SpeedUpMyPC. I set them to do maintenance every friggin’ night. No matter. Page loads are painfully slow. Even email and RSS takes way too many seconds to load. I’m sick of watching the sands through the hourglass or the spinning balls or rotating gradient. I defrag weekly. I uninstall regularly. But yet look at all the processes that are running! And WTF does all that junk mean? And why do I even need to see it? Because programs regularly freeze and Ctrl-Alt-Del brings this up to free me to lose everything at start again!
sump.exe? 51K to pump out the shit Bill Gates is dumping on my drive? Do I really need svchost.exe to be running in six different places? After three years, you would think I would know, right? I don’t have a effin’ clue. I don’t want to know. I want to sit down and go. Last night was the last straw. I wanted to hook up a web cam for the Giant Media Switchover that was going to happen this weekend. St. Todd DeCubbville is my remote tech support while I put new flat screen into the network of 2 DirecTV boxes, a cable box, a surround sound box, a DVD box, a Blu-Ray DVD box, and the computer to stream video and surf the web on BATV (which I never do.) He said a web cam would be nice. No problemo. The laptop has Vista with a built in cam, adding another cam should be a cake-walk. Just plug it it, find it and launch it. I can hear you chuckling already. Of course, I had to download a new driver and install it. That took an hour and then Windows didn’t put anything anywhere that told me I was ready to stream video. UStream.tv told me after I used their help section. UStream.tv! told me how to access the cam. Not Microsoft. UStream. Bill Gates is a Prick. I kept remembering how nice Mac plugs and plays. I regularly fired up the G4 just to keep things updated. Usually, it was only Safari and iTunes that upgraded. Nice. I’m pretty sure Bill Gates sends something every night to the PCs to “upgrade” them. Rather than face another day of extreme frustration. I fired up the Mac. Pages loaded quickly, email and RSS reading just flew by. I’m back on the information superhighway after three years of plowing along in a field of manure. Going back to Mac was nothing. It’s like I never left. Except for remembering that now its Command V or P rather than Ctrl V or P, my Mac still loves me. Bill Gates is a Prick. I love AAPL. I’m glad I’m an owner.
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| Tyler Bradt Falls Off Cliff In Kayak and Survives: Claims It’s A Record Posted: 02 Dec 2010 06:34 AM PST Watch this dummy plunge his kayak of a cliff – aka waterfall – and survive with just a screwed up wrist. He is claiming it’s a record because the falls measure 189 feet. Note to Tyler Bradt: floating downstream and falling of the edge of the world into a pool of deep, cold water does not take any special skill or knowledge or bravery. What it does take is a massive ego and a lack of regard for safety. OK, maybe it takes some big cojones and peer pressure, but nothing more. So why not skip the kayak and just float down the river and over the edge? Now that’s what a real man would do. No, wait, a real man would climb a rickety-ass tower in a gale force wind in a speedo, and then throw himself in a kiddie pool. (172 feet) Oh yeah, and do a triple-reverse somersault at the same time. Here are some equivalent records that I will be going for soon:
Congratulations to Tyler Bradt for his stupid world record setting feat:
Here is a great comment on the original video (I edited the original video to take out the crap where Tyler Bradt calls his Mommy.)
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