The Baby Boomer Renaissance: Going Like Sixty

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Going Like Sixty

Posted: 19 Mar 2011 01:35 PM PDT

I live in the only town in the entire universe where Corvettes are assembled.

Smallburg has agreed that a Corvette-free zone shall be established in front of my house when I am mowing the yard.

So Mr. Geezer with your bald spot cruising down the street with your dome exposed, you are now in violation of the Smallburg Sixty Spring Sacrament #60.60(a1.69.)

You butt-hole. How dare you drive by enjoying the nice spring weather when:

I am mowing the friggin’ grass.
I don’t own a Corvette.

I hope your bald spot peels from the sun and you get a large basil celery “car”cinoma.

I am pleased pissed to announce that my lawn mower started on the first try. I had run it out of gas during the last mowing. Therefore the gas did not turn to maple syrup. So I mowed the first mow of the season. Gaddamn. I hate mowing the grass/dead leaves/twigs.

Gaddamn. Nothing I hate worse than people out enjoying themselves while I am pacing mindlessly behind the lawnmower.

Therefore, I have expanded the aforementioned city ordinance. Also banned from my street when I am mowing the griggin’ frass:

Power walkers
Dog walkers
Bicyclists
Ice Cream wagons
Lawn mowing service trucks
Vehicles with kayaks
Families

The consequences are severe. I have dog turds. I will use them.

However, young women between the ages of 25-35 with appropriate BMI, jogging in shorts and bra-tops are always welcome, nay, encouraged.

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Sound Like This At Your House Recently? The Orgasm Bird is Now My Favorite.

Posted: 19 Mar 2011 07:37 AM PDT

I’m imagining that the Orgasm Bird looks something like this… listen to the call of the Orgasm Bird aka Laughing Falcon from Costa Rica to see if you don’t conjure up some similar perverted image in your mind’s eye.