Thursday, March 3, 2011

Going Like Sixty

Going Like Sixty

Seventeen Types of Meetings – In Alphabetical Order For Your Listing Pleasure

Posted: 02 Mar 2011 02:01 PM PST

meeting

 

My PB (not Peanut Butter – Paddle Buddy) Rick is in an ARRRRGH meeting. How do I know this when he is thousands and thousands and thousands of feet away?

He updated his Facebook status.

Is there a person alive that thinks meetings are worth the time?

From where I sit there are seventeen types of meetings. Listed here for your Alpha Pleasure.

  1. Arrgh. My boss called this meeting and I have to go.
  2. Brrrrr. Why is it so friggin’ cold in here? To keep us awake?
  3. Crap. We all know this already.
  4. Dumass Derision Decision. Somebody needs to make a decision but doesn’t want the responsibility, so a meeting devises the decision.
  5. Eck. Do I have to sit with these people who are obviously dumber than me?
  6. Frak! Didn’t we have this same meeting the last week?
  7. Gulp. I am so not prepared.
  8. Hummana Hummana. I can’t stop staring at him/her.
  9. Idjits. You are preaching to the choir.
  10. Just say it! Don’t dance around spewing blather about ancient history.
  11. Kelly Clarkson. Not saying much worth remembering, but s/he’s just so darn cute.
  12. LOLZ. Everybody has a great time, cracking wise and cracking up until it’s over.
  13. Mow the Laundry. The person running the meeting has no idea what the group  is capable of.
  14. No Shit Sherlock. Everybody reads the handout while the handout is being read aloud.
  15. Octomom. Just as you think it is over, out pops another bloody mess.
  16. Pixel Counting. Staring at your phone praying something interesting will pop up.
  17. Questionable Fart. Either a sound or a smell occupies your mind until the meeting ends.

If I Pop A Brain Vessel, It’s My Doc’s Fault

Posted: 01 Mar 2011 08:23 AM PST

Alternative Medicine

I take a controlled substance to calm my restless legs so I can sleep. This means every four months, I have to make an appointment with my doc to get the ‘scrip refilled.

Read: this means my doc gets to charge me and my insurance company for spending 3 minutes with his P.A.

Today was that day.

The doc’s chart might read…

BP: 188/110; patient seemed agitated; chest sounds normal, refilled Rx, pt to monitor BP.

My chart might read…

Patient needed refill on drugs.

Was told by pharmacy that I needed to see doctor for new prescription.

Called doctor for 8:45 a.m. appointment.

Arrived on time to full parking lot and full waiting room for  two medical professionals allowed to write the prescription.

Sat quietly for 10 minutes, until somebody decided the office waiting room should have country music playing.

BP rising.

Twenty minutes later taken to exam room where loaner-learner nurse took BP.

188/110.

Waited ten more minutes until Physician’s Assistant arrived.

She asked how I was, then answered her own question. “You just need a prescription refilled, right? and then you’ll be better.”

She listened to my chest, checked my pulse and wrote the scrip.

One hour (not including travel time) out of my life.

When my brain explodes I hope it’s right there in the exam room, and they don’t have any learner-nurses to clean up the mess.

 

 
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