The Baby Boomer Renaissance: Going Like Sixty

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Going Like Sixty

Toilet Paper Rollers Should Have Warning Label

Posted: 01 Feb 2011 09:08 AM PST

I love a good warning label as much as the next guy. You know, on electrical outlets: do not lick after connecting electricity; or on the bottle of motor oil: for external use only; or on shoelaces: not to be used for rock climbing…

So where is the warning label on toilet paper dispensers?

We tend to do this a lot at our house. We are just too damn busy or concentrating on the latest magazine or pushing really hard to bother to put the paper on the roller.

I’ve been on vacation. I am relaxed. I decided I would put the toilet paper on the roller.

I push the springy thingy out of one end of the holder, but leave the other end in the holder. This created a massive amount of coiled up tension.

And yes, the damn thing slipped out of my fingers and hit me on the cheekbone just below my eye.

Who decided that this dangerous household appliance should be at eye level when sitting down? Shouldn’t it be higher on the wall, like at least five feet so that when the spring loaded projectile is released it flies over my head?

WARNING:

Do Not Attempt to Hold Roll of Toilet Paper in One Hand and Push on One End of Roller With The Other.

Significant Bodily Damage May Result. If You Are Struck Senseless,

Someone Will Find You Slumped On The Toilet With a Poopy Butt.