Baby Boomers U. S. (The Blog) |
| Favouritism By Grandparents – Do I Say Something? Posted: 14 Aug 2011 03:47 AM PDT This is a guest post by Nisha Sharma of Baby Planet dot biz. If you would like to guest post for us, please visit our Guest Post for US Page.  Baby Planet Most parents and grandparents do their best to avoid favouritism, but the truth is that favouritism is an ever present reality and something that is not completely avoidable. Although some favouritism is based in prejudice, more often than not, it is simply a reflection of the fact that we are sometimes drawn more to one person than we are to another; our personalities, temperament and interests just 'click'. That is true of all relationships, including those between grandparents and their grandchildren. Unfortunately, favouritism within families, whether real or imagined, is likely to lead to resentments that can have a negative impact on family members for many years to come. When dealing with favouritism by grandparents, understanding the reasons its happening can help you determine the best course of action to deal with it. Before you decide to confront the issue head on, make sure you have some clarity around what is happening and why it may be occurring. Ask yourself: how the favouritism is expressed (time, attention, discipline, gifts etc.); whether it's one grandparent or both; why you think its happening; how severe the situation is; and whether the behaviour is an old pattern (the grandparent in question played favorites with their own children). As a parent, it's natural to want to protect your children, but you are more likely to resolve the problem if you can set your personal feelings aside and approach the issue as objectively as possible. Talk it over with your spouse and make sure you are in agreement on how to proceed. Don't let the situation cause a rift in your relationship. Unless you assess the situation to be a very minor issue, ignoring it is probably the worst thing you can do. Children are extremely perceptive and sensitive to real and perceived slights. Favouritism has the potential to be emotionally damaging to both the favoured child and the one(s) that feel rejected and has been linked to the development of depression in adulthood. At the very least it can lead to jealousy between siblings and self esteem issues. A heart-to-heart conversation with the grandparent is often all it takes to rectify the situation. Often they are unaware that they are showing favouritism or that their behaviour is causing any kind of problem. In that case, you can work with them to help them find ways to make each child feel valued. However, if sharing your concerns with the grandparent brings about no apparent change in their behaviour, you will have to decide whether to limit the children's contact with them. Ultimately, not having a close relationship with one's grandparents can be far less painful than being continually made to feel less than their siblings or other grandchildren. It's important for parents and grandparents alike to remember to keep the best interests of the children at heart. If you feel your children are being treated unfairly, talk to them about their feelings and perceptions. The best solution is the one that will help them the most. And even if your children have been subjected to favouritism by their grandparents, there is a great deal that you can do to counteract any pain the unequal treatment may have caused. Through your awareness, love and support you can ensure that your children each feel valued for who they are. Hello my name is Nisha, I love to write about parenting, children and give advice to mums, why not visit our website Baby Planet, to see the latest offers on cot bed mattresses and toddler beds. You may also want to join the Baby Boomers US Forum for conversations by Baby Boomers about topics important to Baby Boomers!          
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