The Baby Boomer Renaissance: Going Like Sixty

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Going Like Sixty

Medtronic Makes Power Pooping on Command Possible Raising Your Fecal Quality of Life Index

Posted: 05 Apr 2011 11:20 PM PDT

Screw up your diet and exercise program or take too many prescription drugs, and eventually you will have your entire waste disposal system as clogged the lobby to get away from Charlie Sheen’s live performances.

Medtronics has recognized fecal incontinence can lead to a crappy death, so they invented the On Command Power Pooper.

Except they call it the InterStim.

Here’s the deal, your local doctor or other qualified professional, implants this gizmo next to your sacral nerve. When you need to take a dump, you give it the command using the remote control.

Your poop chute is suitably irritated and out comes last nights bean taco.

There were clinal trials and the results were published in the March 2010 issue of the Annals of Surgery.

hee, they said Annals.

Did you know there is a Fecal Incontinence Quality of Life Index?

If you did, you are just odd. Very odd.

…complete continence (no incontinent episodes) was achieved in more than 40 percent of the patients. In addition, patients in the study showed significant improvement in quality of life as measured by the Fecal Incontinence Quality of Life (FIQOL) Index.

Of course there are side effects: